The Tale of Peter Rabbit at the NAC

"Now my dears,” said old Mrs. Rabbit one morning, adjusting her USAF credential lanyard, “you need to get ready for your tournament tomorrow. You may practice in the designated areas, or sit quietly watching bouts. But don’t go wandering the venue, and whatever you do, do not interfere with bout operations. Your father did so once, and he ended up being Black Carded.” 

Now Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cotton-tail did not quite understand what it meant to be “Black Carded.” But they had grown up hearing frightening tales of NAC disasters: missed check-ins, confiscated weapons, pool bouts fenced out of order, and missing the dreaded announcement of “Last call for fencers not present,” so they nodded very seriously.

So once they arrived at the venue, Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cotton-tail – who were good little bunnies who always triple-checked their equipment and who had memorized all of the USA Fencing rules and most of the Athlete’s Handbook – went to stretch properly, retest their body cords, and quietly watch bouts while whispering respectful fencing observations.

But Peter, who was very naughty and did not believe that he needed to follow any rules that were not personally overseen by the Bout Committee, ran very far from the practice strips and straight into the heart of the venue!

First, he fenced on an empty strip without permission, even though his name had not been called and another bout was about to start. Then he borrowed another fencer’s weapon without asking, despite having no idea if it was properly wired or had passed weapons check.

Next, Peter ate snacks directly on the fencing strip, scattering crumbs and blackberry jelly across the strip. 

Then – worst of all – he plugged his body cord that was covered in jelly into the reel, shorting out the score board and making tremendous sparks. 

And when Peter ran away from the sparking score board, whom should he meet but Mr. McGregor, the bout committee official, who sprang from behind the table waving a clipboard and shouting, “I’m sure there’s a rule about not fencing covered in jelly!”

Peter was dreadfully frightened. He bolted past the pistes, knocking over a chair, losing both shoes near Strip F4 and his socks somewhere between weapons control and the bathrooms. His fencing jacket – quite new, and fully up to FIE standards, if you ignored the blackberry jelly on it – caught on a fencing score board and knocked it over, as it most certainly was not set up to withstand a scurrying and quite frightened rabbit. 

Now that he could run freely without his gear, Peter found he could move much quicker, and he very nearly escaped. But Mr. McGregor was not finished with him yet! He signaled for his assistant, a very stern referee named Mr. Black Card, who had a whistle, a stack of penalty cards, and absolutely no patience for rule-breaking rabbits.

Oh, how Peter wished he had listened to his mother about being Black Carded! For Mr. Black Card was a fearsome official who had already issued three black cards before lunch and who strongly suspected that there was no rule that specifically allowed any rabbit to fence, let alone one that had a fair amount of jelly on his uniform and weapon.

So Peter ran, expanding upon his original rules violations. He darted past the armory and tried to hide behind the Absolute Fencing stand. 

It would have been a perfect hiding place, if only he had not knocked over a cannister of tip cleaning alcohol, which caused him to sneeze—

“Kertyschoo!”

Mr. Black Card instantly saw where the naughty rabbit had run, and pulled out his fourth black card of the day. All would have been lost, but just as Mr. Black Card reached for him, he slipped on some spare jelly that had fallen off of Peter’s uniform. Peter ran free, dashed past the finals strip, and escaped out the side doors into the parking lot.

When Peter’s mother saw that his socks, jacket, and body cord were missing, she was quite vexed. Not only was this the second time Peter had lost essential equipment that season, but she had also just received a text announcing an unexpected re-seeding for tomorrow’s bouts – and she had a sneaking suspicion why.

I am sorry to say that Peter was not very well that evening. His mother made him chamomile tea, with a hint of blackberry jelly added, even though Peter insisted he was fine and was ready to fence the next day. She sent him straight to bed and laid out his gear for the morning – with labels and strict instructions on where he would be allowed to go at the NAC.

But Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cotton-tail settled in for a calm evening of schedule-checking and video analysis. They slept soundly, knowing that following NAC rules really does pay – and that tomorrow, Peter would be the one asking to borrow a spare body cord.

Fun Facts of Interest Only To Me

The Olympic motto “Citius, Altius, Fortius” (Faster, Higher, Stronger) could reasonably apply to rabbits, who are fast runners, impressive jumpers (up to three feet vertically, which is much higher than their body length), and capable of carrying objects heavier than one would expect. Rabbits also have nearly 360-degree vision, which would make them excellent Olympic refs. Nonetheless, even though various Olympic games have had dog, tiger, platypus, and even kookaburra mascots, no Olympics has featured a rabbit mascot, let alone a fencing rabbit. Nonetheless, in several cartoons, Bugs Bunny is shown fencing, generally winning not through technique but rather using distraction, sarcasm, or a flexible interpretation of the rules – all dubious tactics that would likely earn a black card from Mr. McGregor. 

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Questions? Comments? Wondering just how many fencing parody articles it is possible for one person to foist off on USA Fencing or why the last picture shows three rabbits with a total of seven hands? Send your thoughts to usfafencingblog@gmail.com, and if I’m not busy working on a special Guy Fawkes Day fencing blog parody article then I might answer.

Looking for more fencing content? Hop on over to the USFA Parents’ Fencing Blog Website, where you can follow the rabbit trail to a group of articles growing faster than a colony of rabbits. If you have questions about membership, tournaments, or whether there actually are any rules forbidding fencing while covered in jelly, visit the USA Fencing Contact Us page.