What Every Fencing Parent Should Know About … Halloween Edition

I was leaving the venue, late one night,

When my eyes beheld in the fluorescent light.

A fencing monster, began to rise,

And suddenly, to my surprise.

He began to clash! He did the Fencing Clash!

The Fencing Clash! (It was a venue smash!)

He did the Clash! (He wore a fencing mask!)

He did the Clash! (He did the Fencing Clash!)

From my side of the venue, I saw him arise,

A fencing monster with wide, sleepy eyes.

He grabbed a sword, and a body cord, too,

Getting ready to bout, like a fencing guru!

He did the Clash! (He did the Fencing Clash!)

He did the Clash! (He finished his training in a flash!)

He did the Clash! (He ate our fencing break stash!)

He did the Clash! (He did the Fencing Clash!)

Fencing zombies and ghouls woke from their power naps,

With sabers in hand and torn old warm-ups as wraps.

They fenced through the night with parry-riposte flash,

A Halloween NAC, with haunted panache!

They did the Clash! (They did the Fencing Clash!)

They did the Clash! (They scored in a flash!)

They did the Clash! (One had a zombie moustache!)

They did the Clash! (It was a ghoul-filled smash!)

The scene was shocking, I was digging the sounds,

But with no-holds fencing, disputes were sure to abound.

The zombie refs were about to arrive,

With their vocal group, The Black Card Five.

The Black Card Five struck a ghoulish chord,

Singing red-card ballads that the fencers all abhorred.

Their black-card harmony rose through the NAC that night,

A chorus of warnings that gave fencers a fright!

The refs took their places, enforcement their fave,

For each grave violation, they sent fencers to the grave.

They carded the goblins, with complaints galore,

While skeleton fencers kept asking for more!

They gave cards black! (For each foul attack!)

They gave cards black! (For an off-target whack!)

They gave cards black! (For fencers talking back!)

They gave cards black! (Until the reels went slack!)

From out of a coffin, a voice did ring,

Seems a Bout Committee member was concerned about just one thing.

He opened the lid and shook his fist,

And said, “Whatever happened to the Bout Committee Twist?”

It’s now the Clash! (The Fencing Clash!)

It’s now the Clash! (It’s a ghoul-filled bash!)

It’s now the Clash! (It’s a parry-riposte dash!)

It’s now the Clash! It’s the Fencing Clash!

The strips were all shaking, bouts were won and were lost.

Hellish scoring machines hit fifteen, then blameless weapons were tossed.

From foil to epee, they fenced many points and made even more moans,

And saberists still argued the right-of-way zone.

They would just Clash! (Throwing tantrums in a flash!)

With refs they’d Clash! (Masks a-flying, blades would smash!)

They did the Clash! (Arguing parries, slash by slash!)

Boy, did they Clash! (They did the Fencing Clash!)

Now it’s 3 A.M., I can’t get to bed,

Visions of zombies in whites and masks on their heads.

They’ll fence through the night till sunrise will flash,

Then vanish like phantoms – till the next Halloween Clash!

Happy Halloween! See you at the next NAC. But if it’s an October NAC, and YOU are caught in the next Fencing Clash – well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Fun Facts of Interest Only To Me

“The Monster Mash,” which is the most-played Halloween song of all time, was recorded in 1962 by Bobby “Boris” Pickett. The entire recording session took less than an hour. Since the song still generates over $1 million per year in royalties, this most likely is one of the most productive hours in music history.

The song was a popular one with the Beach Boys, who often played it at their own concerts. Another musical connection is that one of the backing singers on the “Monster Mash” was Darlene Love, who later not only became a Grammy-winning singer but also had a recurring role as Roger Murtaugh’s wife in the “Lethal Weapon” film series.

The song’s popularity in the United States initially did not translate to the United Kingdom. The BBC banned the song because it was “too morbid,” meaning the song was not played on British radio for nearly a decade after its release. It did not become a hit in the United Kingdom until 1973, when it was allowed as a re-release. In other words, the BBC gave the song a decade-long black card.

Learn More and Get in Touch(e)

Have a question or comment? Just want to tell me that you would rather fence five ghoulish zombies and eight fencing vampires using real swords rather than read another one of my articles? Reach out to me at usfafencingblog@gmail.com.

If you are looking for the library of What Every Fencing Parent Should Know articles, they haunt the USFA Parents’ Fencing Blog Website. For membership or tournament questions, or to request that USA Fencing send a fencing zombie to steal my computer before I write any more fencing blog posts, visit the USA Fencing Contact Us page.